Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
