so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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