I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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