I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
