we're chasing vodka with high fives
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
