The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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