I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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