I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
