Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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