All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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