If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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