i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
