May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
