My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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