I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
