she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
