I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
barbara walters just said penis...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize