I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
