pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
