My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize