I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
high people should be assigned attendants
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
