oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize