6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
