so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
