U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
