i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
