I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize