I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
