I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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