we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
