the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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