I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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