And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize