I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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