I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Damn victory sex feels great
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
