One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
