So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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