Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
