TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
