she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize