he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize