wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
