You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize