you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize