I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
