We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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