when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
