they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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