If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
