i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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