my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
