I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
