she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize