I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
