Its about making memories worth repressing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm passing your future prison.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
