never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
where are my eyebrows?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
