It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
