Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
