OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never joke about your clitoris.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
