I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize